He beat up a priest, then called the cops on himself
Henry Assaulted a Priest.
Then He Raised the Alarm — on Himself.
In 1294, in Brightwaltham, Berkshire, a man called Henry Smith struck Sir Robert the chaplain and drew blood.
Then he did something nobody expected.
He didn't run. He didn't hide.
He raised the hue and cry.
That's the medieval emergency alarm — the one where you shout, your neighbours shout back, and the whole village drops what it's doing to chase whoever's responsible.
Henry raised it himself. On himself.
The court says he did it “to conceal his fault.”
It didn't work.
Henry was left at the mercy of the court. Three men — John Atgreen, Richard Young and Thomas Smith — were named as his pledges.
Nice try, Henry. Nice try.
Source
F. W. Maitland (ed.), Select Pleas in Manorial and Other Seignorial Courts, Selden Society, Vol. I, 1889, p. 167.